In many conversations among young unmarried people, sex is given prominence as the basis of most relationships. Even among some married people, sexual relations both within and outside marriage remains a constant source of conflict.
There are countless studies that have associated sex with happiness in relationships. This emphasis has led to questions such as, “Can there be happiness in a relationship without sex?” Of course, a lot of people will answer “no” and rightly so.
But the more important deduction to be made here is that debates are often restricted to the questions asked. Or to put it in another way, a conversation can hardly rise above the quality of questions asked while at it. So let’s rephrase the question: Is passionate sex the most important part of a relationship? or Can a relationship survive without sex relations?
I will give the answers: No, passionate sex is not the most important part of a relationship. I will in this post talk about five things, listed in no particular order, which are more important than sex in a relationship. The second question will then have a very obvious answer. So, what are the five things?
Understanding means sympathetic awareness or tolerance. In relationships where both parties have understanding, they would have taken time to study each other, know likes and dislikes and learn to tolerate themselves. Two people in an understanding relationship will not debate over who should cook, clean or kneel in the relationship. In fact, taking a stand for or against when such conversations come up on social media is evidence of lack of understanding. No matter how good you are in bed, a relationship that lacks understanding will fail.
2. Spiritual Compatibility:
The Bible talks about an “uneven yoking” which will be disastrous in marriage. If you and your spouse are not feeding on the same spiritual source, you will have constant conflict It is in such relationships that the man or woman will place the thoughts of their Man of God above that of their partner. Where there is no spiritual compatibility, the marriage will eventually crumble. It will not matter how long the man can last
A couple that does not respect each other cannot stay together. Respect goes beyond outward displays of humility or service. One dictionary defines respect as due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others. When a person comes into a relationship with the mindset that respect has a gender, the intense sexual encounters will simply not be able to glue the relationship together.
I particularly like the expression “pour out” one’s heart when it comes to communication. It connotes that with each day there is a holding back of information from others which is completely lacking when you talk to that special someone. There is a vulnerability which is a given. If a couple does not have open honest pouring out of hearts, the sex may be passionate but it will be shallow. It will not keep the couple together.
There will be situations where the only thing that will save a relationship is trust. Trust is a firm belief in the reliability of someone. It means that you have come to accept that if this person tells you to jump off a cliff, you won’t ask them if there is a safety net below. You know they will not do anything to hurt you. You will not question their motives. Sex has got nothing on trust.
So there! Five things which are more important than sex in a relationship. The truth remains that when you prioritise sex in a relationship, you lose sight of these more important things. But when you put these qualities first, the intimacies that you enjoy in the relationship will have even deeper meaning. Sex will simply be the icing on the cake. And as many people have come to realise, you can enjoy cake without the icing.