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Sex and Body Count and the Paradox of Choice

In a world where everyone thinks sex and body count do not matter. I am here to tell you that for your happiness, it is better that you keep your body count low. And, since your happiness will impact on the joy of your partner, then they should also be concerned about your body count too.

First, let me start by talking about the Paradox of Choice. What is it?

Well, you may or may not have heard of the man Barry Schwartz. He is an American Psychologist who wrote a book by this title over a decade ago. He talks about how, in Western cultures, people seem to think that their happiness depends on getting more.  But, he explains, that striving for more often leads to less happiness and satisfaction. As humans, when we have too much to choose from, we begin to think of what we are losing out on, get pre-occupied by it and begin to think we should not have settled.

How is this related to sex and body count?

Well, some people think that sex becomes more enjoyable when they can have sex with whomever they want, however they want, thus raking up their body count.  They also believe that the number of people they have had sex with is a bragging right. The more souls they “conquer”, the happier they are. Well, this is hardly ever the case. Why is this so?  Increasing your body count cannot make you happy because having multiple sex partners and a high body count is a symptom of deeper issues with a person’s value system. These bigger issues will keep them from being truly happy. The problem they have is with commitment and low self-esteem.

Sex may be novel when you try it the first time. With the second and third person, it may be spicy. Fourth, fifth and sixth time, you begin to wonder. As you count to ten and morph into I-can’t-remember, you realise that you really can’t remember. It becomes a game, an escape; it becomes short of passionate. The law of diminishing returns sets in as you begin to compare. How do you find another girl like Mary or Josephine? Wasn’t Eno simply the best?  If only Chidera had the athletic ability of Bose and the why isn’t Temi even tight?

To Commit or not Commit

When people have “sampled” a lot of bodies, they tend to find it extremely difficult to make commitments and settle on one.  In the traditional marriage system, commitment is a necessity. A person who cannot remain committed to their partner cannot make a good partner. So, it is crucial, in the spirit of commitment for a person to keep their body count as low as possible. It is also important for a person who wants to enter a relationship with another to be able to judge (through their body count) how committed they will be in the relationship.

More important, having multiple sex partners is masking self-esteem issues. A person who wants to brag about how many partners they have, who is seeking validation through sex and body count is an unhappy person. Just as it is essential for a potential mate to know about your commitment issues, they should also know how you feel about yourself. And you should be willing to share your insecurities with them …in the spirit of full disclosure. Instead of spending the time having more sex and adding them to your body count, you should be thinking about a shift in your value system.

Can a person with a high body count be in a committed relationship?

Saying a person who has a high body count cannot make a committed partner is as like saying that a person who has cheated on their spouse cannot change. We do know that change is possible. But first, they must identify their problem and be willing to work on it. The question they should ask themselves is: why do I have such a high body count? What do I need to do to deal with the challenges I have with commitment and self-esteem? Having an honest conversation with themselves will be the first step in becoming better people. However, if they are unable to commit to changing, there is hardly any possibility that they will be committed to remaining in that relationship.



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