Are you confused about how to build a strong bond with your child? Despite the challenges that many parents face, lots of families are still closely knit. And in this post, I will be sharing one thing you need to start doing now to build a strong bond with your child. But first, let’s talk about why this bond does not exist in some families.
What is happening with the parent-child bond?
Some parents think that they will automatically grow to love them because they caused their children’s birth. This is an error. Love is not ingrained in our DNAs. If anything, we are all imperfect and are more prone to be selfish. This is why you will do good to people, and they will repay with bad.
Several parents made sacrifices for their children when they were younger, but they grew up to abandon them. This also shows that simply being nice to your children or providing for their physical needs is not a guarantee you will build a strong bond with your children.
I often hear parents who can afford material provisions for their children complain that they do not share any bonds with their children. They say that the children do not talk to them and are unwilling to share with them. Even when they try conversing with them, they often run out of things to say. Yet, these children, who are very quiet when around their parents, become talkative with their peers. How can you build a strong bond with your child?
Bonds are Emotional, not Material.
People are generally more inclined to do things that others will observe. Therefore, parents would be concerned about providing physical food, clothing and shelter for their children. Society would judge them harshly if they didn’t. But when it comes to emotional and spiritual support for their children, many parents fall short.
Sadly, this is the domain where bonds abide. Parents can only form stronger bonds with their children when they connect with them emotionally. Also, they need to take the spiritual needs of their children seriously. As noted earlier, we are not made perfect. We are more prone to selfishness than selflessness. What makes some people more selfless than others is their spiritual enlightenment. They want to do good because they have an inner motivation to do so. So, parents must plant this need in their children, cultivate it and watch it grow.
The best time to plant this need is when the child is born. If you are a new parent, talk to your child about the values you want them to cultivate. Show them through your actions that you believe in those values. Cater to the emotional needs of your children. If they are chatty as kids, there is a tendency for you to want to shut them down sometimes.
For example, if there was a visitor around, you may not want them to interrupt conversations. But what happens after you mildly (or not so mildly ask them not to interrupt when adults speak? What happens after the adult leaves? You should call your child and ask them what they wanted to talk about. This way, you show that you value listening to them.
Learn how to build a strong bond with your child.
But what if your child is growing into teenage years or becoming a young adult? Have you lost out completely in the bonding process? No, you haven’t. Most parents do not realise that their children are also longing to have a bond with them. Even if they do not say this to you, they want it. So, you can begin now to learn how to build a strong bond with your child. Instead of focusing on buying them gifts, convert that money into time. For example, if you spent N10,000 buying a gift for them, convert that to your rates/hour and use that time to find something that you both can enjoy.
Granted, the first time you try to bond with your child, they may not be open to it. This could be more because they are shocked than that they are resentful. Sometimes though, it could be a combination of both. Remember that you missed the chance to do this when they were younger. You have to keep trying to show them you are sincere. Eventually, you will reap the reward of parents who put in the work – a happy and satisfying bond with your child.